Dear JD,

It’s been 2 and a half years since you’ve been gone. These words have always been swirling around my mind and I have tried to write something like this out so many times. However, every time I start to put the pen to paper to tell you my thoughts, I always shut down and push it off for another day. I make up excuses that doing this is silly and pointless since it can’t change anything or bring you back. But at the same time, I am glad I have another reason to do this now even if doing so is more for my own mentality than anything else. I hope in writing this to you, someone else that can relate to this kind of loss will realize they are not alone. 

I wanted you to know that you mean so much to so many people, no matter how well some got to know you compared to others in your 16 years of life. I hope those 16 years were always filled with happiness, laughter, and love. And I hope that while you did not have the chance to live out your wildest dreams, you know that all of us will never go through with ours without keeping you in our minds and hearts the entire way.

So much has happened in these last two years, Jack. So far, 2020 is most definitely one of the most absurd years I have lived and we are barely half way through it! It’s crazy how fast life comes and goes and I’ve truly come to understand how important it is to stop myself from constantly rushing everything I do and take time to appreciate the little things around me. While it was so unexpected, your passing brought people together in ways I have never experienced before. It was beautiful to see the true power of friendship during such a hard time. Our whole graduating class was able to lean on each other throughout the rest of your high school careers, even when everything got stressful with college stuff, the thought of you kept us motivated. 

You were so fun to be in the presence of, always cracking jokes and never hesitated to help a friend out whenever they needed it. I will never forget the hectic day we had working the Earth Day festival at Bayonet Farm and I still have the time lapse video we created while “working” the welcome table. You have no idea how many times I’ve watched that over again trying to wrap my mind around how the other person in that video could just be gone so quickly like that. I remember being so frustrated and angry for so long, never fully believing you were “in a better place” and rethinking how people could even say “everything happens for a reason”. I believed that you were meant to be here with us, getting your license, going to prom, choosing a college, and graduating high school. It was extremely difficult to let go of those thoughts. I wish I could see where you’d be now if this all didn’t happen.

I think we all had a sense of closure on graduation night because of the fact that we truly felt you there with us, completing this milestone, even when hearing your name being called was the hardest thing. You taught us so much… To love harder, to check in with the ones you love more often, and never take a day in your life for granted. I’m sorry it took me this long to formulate these words and write. While I do miss you so incredibly much and think about you a lot, this isn’t meant to be a sad letter, but more of an optimistic one after finally coming to the realization and accepting that you must be in a better place now. I know I will see you again but until then, keep on watching over us all like I know you have been. 

With love,

Bel ❤