In the past few weeks, it is unfathomable how many times I have been asked the question “How are you doing?”, and every time I do not know what to say. In the grand scheme of things, everything is just fine. I do not have to worry about where my next meal is coming from or that I am going to lose my job. In fact, my part time job is still open and I will be coming out of the pandemic with more money than before it, thanks to the generous tips left by my community. The time spent with my family has been nice; home cooked meals, jeopardy nights and time with my sister on the softball fields are things I miss while at school. Topically, things are great, but really I am devastated. 

On days with good weather I go on walks with my mom, but I cannot help but think about the spikeball I could be playing on the turf with my friends. On Saturday nights I am in bed at 9 PM watching tv, and I miss the times being out till 3 AM. When I facetime the girls in my sorority, we dream about all the fun we would have had this spring semester. Online classes are disjointed and frustrating, and I have had a difficult time adjusting to my virtual schedule (evident by my late submission of this blog post). While I feel privileged to have had these things in the first place, I feel robbed now that they have been taken away. The sheer disappointment I have felt as plans get cancelled one after another is heartbreaking and discouraging. 

There are a million reasons I would wish this had never happened, but the biggest is the passing of my grandfather. While he did not die of COVID-19, the virus has had a profound impact on his death and my family. The unfortunate timing of his passing prevented us from holding a memorial mass, spending time with one another, and giving my grandfather a proper funeral. It is difficult to support my family at this time, especially my grandmother, because we are afraid to see each other and cause more death or difficulty. Perhaps nothing more frustrating exists than seeing your family disjointed and in pain, and having no way to stop it. However, my family knows this separation is what my grandfather would have wanted, as he suffered from health related anxiety.

Hopefully, the destruction of COVID-19 will soon end, and we can get back to life as it should be. Although, time by myself has made me cherish human interaction, my friends and family, and the small moments in life. I can only hope that other people feel the same, and that when this is over we will wake up to a kinder more compassionate world.