How am I doing? Considering no one in my house has gotten the corona virus yet I would answer that question with the response of “I am doing well.” Sort of like a response I would give my mother in middle school when she asked me how my night was in the car after she picked me up because she did not let me sleep over my friend’s house. All I would respond with was “Good” as I rested me head on the window of the car to show her I was upset because the hard surface was obviously not comfortable. In my head I thought of what I really wanted to say: “It was awesome until you had to ruin it by making me come home and now I am going to miss out on all the fun I could have had.” Except now in 2020 I am thinking that same thought but the direction is toward COVID-19 and not my mother. 

I will admit the sadness of being sent home hit me much later than many of my friends. When I first saw the email of classes being cancelled on that Thursday and Friday I actually jumped up and fist bumped the air because my computer science and computer engineering midterms were both on that Thursday. When Friday came around, my roommate and I started packing up our room and even after I saw all of our posters come down emotions still did not hit me. Looking back I think it was doubt in my mind of what was actually happening that kept my emotions locked in a cage somewhere inside me. Or maybe it was the fact that my brother texted me that Friday and told me he has to work from home indefinitely that blocked out the emotions because the happiness of being with my lifelong best friend all day again surpassed the sadness.

However the brief sense of happiness quickly faded and the lock on the cage inside me did not just unlock…it bursted open. Like the pressure of the emotions inside of it built up so high that the cage could not keep them enclosed. All the sadness and realization hit me. I missed my friends from college, I could not see my friends from high school, I could not spend all day with my brother because working from home actually means he has to work, and I now have the same hard classes just with no break in between doing the work. 

I sit home and watch my sister (a nurse) risk her life everyday at the hospital trying to save as many lives as she can. After a 14 hour shift she comes home crying, overwhelmed by exhaustion mixed with the amount of tragedy she saw all day. My dad’s company is a big seller of a main component in respirators, which means I also have to sit home and watch him risk his life everyday going to work because he cannot work from home and stay safe in quarantine.

I could sit home and be sad that I have to take classes on zoom or be sad that I cannot hang out with my friends. But at the end of the day I spent the whole day inside and safe while others had to risk their lives in hopes of saving the lives of others. Things going on around us are way bigger than ourselves so we have to stop the self-pity and keep moving forward. I am happy that I am doing well.

Kyle Regan