You Really Just Said That?

During a chemistry lab in my sophomore year of high school, the topic of having kids in the future had come up, while my lab partners and I waited for water to boil. We were talking about our futures as a whole, and everyone at the table spoke of wanting kids at some point in their life. Someone then posed the question “Would you ever adopt or would you have biological kids?” to the group. The first response I heard changed my perspective of people: “I would never want to raise someone else’s mistake, so I want my kids to be my own blood.”

Hearing those words coming from someone I had considered a good friend at the time made my heart plunge into an abyss. How could someone think like that, especially when they knew my background, as we were just talking about it?

Being called a mistake put a damper on the way I viewed people for a long time. I felt that everyone had this bitter side to them, that came out at the worst of times. I believed that “nice” or “kind” people just put on a facade, and that they didn’t really care for people deep down. Basically, the rest of sophomore year and the beginning of junior year were full of negative thoughts towards people. 

Being adopted is hard by itself. I’m constantly questioning why my mother “refused to provide any care” (as the documents say) and why I spent over a year in an orphanage before another family wanted me. I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance to meet my mother (my father is unknown, so a random name was put on the forms) or any siblings that I may have. There are even times that I step back and realize that I don’t “belong” in my family now. But hearing these thoughts come from another person makes them a thousand times worse, in my opinion.

It took a while to be able to see the good in people again, and I am not proud of how many amazing people it took to come into my life for me to see that. One person, or a small group of people, should not change your whole perspective, as it did mine- it really isn’t healthy. But hey, that’s life.

I was really let down by people that day, honestly more so because it was the exact day I had been officially adopted for 15 years. Some people have dark sides to them, but so many more are just good people. People who want the best for you, no matter what. People who genuinely care for you. People who make you forget about the others. While I am still hurt by that person’s words, I do have to thank them for being the catalyst to make me realize that most people in the world are people you want to know and be friends with, despite having to go through a low, negative point in life first.