As part of my preschool graduation, I walked up the steps, greeted the crowd, and said “My name is Selma. God willing, when I grow up, I want to be a doctor.” Five-year-old Selma walked across the stage and confidently sat in her seat. 

If I’m being honest, answering the question of “How do you see yourself in the future?” is scary. Simply put, I don’t know. If I’ve learned one thing, it is that we plan, and life plans better. Five-year-old Selma couldn’t dream of being anything else other than a doctor until she started high school. Then, a career in medicine was pushed away and replaced with an idealized idea of going to law school and manifesting Elle Woods’ Legally Blonde feminist persona. I knew finally figuring out what I wanted to do couldn’t have been that easy. Sure enough, college came around, and I found myself exploring medicine, yet again. 

While I’m presently stuck between two different career paths, medicine and law, I want my future to be bright and exciting, no matter which road I choose to take. I envision myself waking up early for rounds at the hospital or looking over case documents at the office. I don’t wake up in morning dread, but with excitement at what the day has to hold. At work, I’m driven by my passion for what I’m doing, even during the less exciting parts, reminding myself of why I chose to do what I do. At the end of the day, I go home to my spouse and kids, enjoying every moment, because I’ll never know if it’ll be the last. During the summer, I go with my family to visit friends and family in Bosnia, and while there, take a trip or two to the beaches in Croatia. 

Even though I can’t be sure of what my future will look like, I want to be sure of how I’ll experience life. I want to experience every moment as a blessing, the good ones, the bad ones, the happy ones, and the sad ones. I want to live my life without any fear holding me back. I want to be confident in my deepest, truest self. 

The fear of the unknown is a scary and powerful fear. It can hold me back from chasing my dreams, being myself, and experiencing new things. And while frightful, it teaches me the power not in worrying, analyzing, or overplanning. Rather, it shows me the strength in doing. Doing what I love. Doing what I want. Doing what I think is best. In the end, doing is what gets anyone anywhere. For all that I may know, my future could be something completely different than law or medicine. But, faith is a strong force that will keep me moving. 

The future is unknown, and that is beautiful.

Selma Cemerlic