Ethan Chang

“Remember that stress doesn’t come from what’s going on in your life. It comes from your thoughts about what’s going on in your life” – Andrew J. Bernstein

It was my first semester in college and I was stressed beyond imagination. On top of everything that had already built up, I had just received an email from the school stating that they have decided to make it twice as hard for me to complete one of my minors – out of all people, me. I was extremely frustrated with the administration and disappointed in myself for being so upset about something I knew deep down was trivial. I’m a good student so I shouldn’t have stress, I thought. I do my work the day it’s assigned and often before then if it’s posted prior to class. So why was I so anxious all the time? Why could I feel the cortisol pumping through my body making it jitter uncontrollably on the inside yet still look as calm as a rock on the outside? How long would these crushing emotions eat away at me?

Vent. The thought crossed my mind as I monotonously trekked my routine walk and gazed up at the pale, crescent moon. I knew I needed to get these thoughts out before I imploded, but since coming to college, there was no one I could talk to, or at least that’s what I told myself. I sat at one of the benches along the walkway; the sharp, frosty air cleared my thoughts better. Through some deductions, I reasoned the best person to talk to was my academic advisor. She and I have met before and we often talked about my academic plans. I resolved that the following day, I would throw everything off my mind.

The night went by quickly and I remember that during the next morning, I constantly vacillated between reasons why I should or should not go. The time came and it felt as if my brain clicked off. I just walked to her office, not planning what to say beforehand. I wanted what I had to say to be my true feelings. I remember how I felt before walking in and I remember how I felt walking out. She was so kind and understanding. She could relate and she could advise me about my situation. I realized that being open about your issues is really helpful in today’s society and that too many, I included, worry about showing weakness or annoying someone else.

Though my perspective has changed on so many ideas through significant moments in my life, I wanted to write about this one. Frankly, it’s because I’m still afraid of opening up to others and feeling vulnerable. But I am trying to take steps. Here is one.