Goldfish. They swim in circles their whole life, never seeing farther than the circumference of a small bowl. This was me for the first eighteen years of my life; going through the motions in my small town, not knowing more than those around me, and hardly seeing farther away for more than a few weeks each summer. I had become accustomed to feeling trapped and like I didn’t quite fit in. Unfulfilled had become my norm. Coming to college, I was terrified of such a stark change, but it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me. I had been set free into an enormous ocean. 

Growing up, I always felt like I had to conform myself to other people. I never found my “group” because in everything I am passionate about, no one seemd to share the same enthusiasm. I became used to being surrounded by peers with vastly different perspectives than mine, and though music became my outlet to find like-minded people, I still felt like I had to sift through a lot of sand to find gold. In my mind, this would be the rest of my life, settling and internalizing. I was naive to think that my small life was a microcosm of the rest of the world, because once I left, I realized it is oh so different. 

The first day I arrived on campus for band camp, it was a shock. Being surrounded by a sea of people without a single predisposition was both a terrifying and equally thrilling feeling. I realized that now my fate was entirely in my own hands. No more prejudices about who I am from the people I grew up with or forced friendships simply due to proximity. I will always remember the first time I introduced myself to the new group of people I now call my best friends, because that was the moment my eyes were opened to a whole new perspective.

I quickly felt empowered as the weeks progressed due to the complete agency of who I surrounded myself and what I became involved in. It was amazing to see an abundance of clubs focused on environmentalism and all of the opportunities I never had access to back at home. Even my classes were filled with down to earth people that I connected with more in just a few days than I did with many people for twelve years. Coming to college made me realize that my happiness is self made and whoever I am can be exactly who I choose to be. Being surrounded by people who inspire me and ignite my passions rather than those who made me snuff them has opened up my world view and allowed me to become happy in my own skin. There is an entire ocean out there to explore and I have only started swimming.

By Caldonia Carmello