So what do you want to do? A question that never ceases, especially since I became a college student. Everytime my answer changes into a new version of fabricated hopefulness about the unknown. If I were to tell the truth about what I visualize in my future, I would simply say a haze. And as I have gotten older, this fog has only thickened. With an ever-changing climate and the shifting nature of global politics, the idea of a ‘normalized’ life has been thrown out the window. I am constantly unsure about the best choices for a career, family, or home because who knows, I may end up in a job that hasn’t even been created yet and my dream house could be underwater by the time I am out of debt to pay the mortgage. 

A much younger version of myself would say that in 2040, I am a successful scientist living close to my hometown, surrounded by two kids and stable income. As I have grown older, being pressured into accepting a rigid path to the future has led me farther and farther away from this ideal. Now, the eighteen year old version of myself living in 2020 only has one concern for the future. Wherever I end up I simply want to be happy.

My most commonly idealized version of myself is 28 years old, waking up to the sunrise in a small, quiet apartment in Santa Cruz, California. After finishing grad school (or not) I’m working for an environmental conservation organization, doing research on coastal ecosystems and regulations to create cleaner environments. By this time I have volunteered with the Peace Corps, working on environmental issues regarding access to efficient clean water and energy in places around the world. I also imagine myself in my free time, traveling as an outreach educator to help people understand climate issues and advocate for changes towards greener global practices. Hopefully by now I’ve checked off several things from my bucket list: sky-diving, visiting Italy with my family, and experiencing the northern lights in Iceland. As a well-traveled and well-learned adult, I’ll have finally settled into a level of comfort I have always yearned for while also having the same adventurous energy. No longer will I be filled with tension and questions because for the first time, everything seems clear. I have found the perfect path towards fulfilling my passions and helping the world around me. Surrounded by those I deeply care about and precisely where I belong. I am unsure exactly where the future will take me, but that’s the best part. I am content.

By Caldonia Carmello